Popcorn
by writerofberk
Summary: Poppy and her friends drag Branch to the cinema to see another one of those stupid, cheery musicals they can't get enough of. Branch is, predictably, not happy about it. Modern-era human AU. One-shot. Friendship fluff. Swearing.


"Okay, but," Branch braced himself for another round of vehement shushing, and glanced away from the bright glow of the cinema screen, "but just hear me out, does she really need to be doing that super-complicated dance number in _heels_ , on a _stairwell_?"

Guy Diamond's sharp elbow jabbed him roughly in the ribs. "Shut _up_."

"Ow!" Branch rubbed ruefully at his side. "Look, I'm just saying, there's no way she didn't fall at least a thousand times during this scene. Damn lucky she didn't break her _neck_ —they really need to set something up there—maybe a perimeter, or open path for non-dancing people to pass, because this is just—

"Shh!" Poppy swatted him lightly on the arm. "It's a _movie,_ Branch, lighten up."

Branch grumbled and folded his arms over his chest, but settled silently back in his seat – next time these idiots dragged him out to the cinema, _he_ was picking the damn movie. If he never saw another stupid cheery musical with stupid cheery characters and stupid cheery songs the others insisted on singing in the car on the way home, it'd be too soon.

As the music swelled, and the other characters began to join the dance, he couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Okay, I'm sorry, but it is a statistical improbability that everyone there would think of the exact same song and dance routine—

" _Shhhh!"_ Smidge leaned around Poppy's other side to swat at him, too, but her hit was anything but light.

Branch winced, and scowled at her. "Look, you've got to face the facts! The chance that they were all—

Poppy scooped a wad of popcorn up from the bucket in her lap and, before he could go any farther, leaned over and stuffed it in his open mouth. "Sorry, babe, but you really need to shut up."

Branch turned his glare on her, but chewed and swallowed the chunk in his mouth anyway, wrinkling his nose at the taste. "You guys put way too much butter on this shit."

Poppy dug another handful of popcorn out of the bucket, and raised it threateningly.

Branch fell silent.

For a minute, anyway.

"All right, what the actual fuck is up with _that_ guy?" He jabbed a finger at the screen, pointing to another character whirling energetically from one end of the screen to the next. "Two scenes ago, he was a grumpy dick, and now—what, now he's magically nice because, I dunno, the power of music, or some shit?"

Poppy giggled. "The power of music, _and_ friendship! Remember, those two over there pulled him out of his shell last scene! It was really beautiful!"

"It was unspeakably awful," he corrected her.

"No, no, it was so moving!" she insisted, shoving a fistful of popcorn into her own mouth, and speaking around it. "And he wasn't a dick! He was _lonely_!"

"Still a dick." Branch stood firm. "And that guy in the back over there," he pointed to another character, standing back against the wall, "should have died forty-five minutes ago. You know, in that fire? The smoke inhalation _alone_ should have—

Something hit him on the chin.

It didn't hurt, he hardly even felt it, but he whipped his head around anyway, face falling into a familiar, ugly scowl, to find the culprit, and his eyes fell on Chenille, a bunch of popcorn clutched in her fist, leaning over her sister to keep him in her sights.

He sputtered. "Did you just—did you just throw popcorn at me?"

"Shut up," she said, which was answer enough.

Branch glowered at her. "You are _so_ —!"

Another piece hit him in the ear.

"Hey—!"

A third struck the back of his neck, and he glanced over his shoulder to find Smidge had joined in with vigor, but then a fourth found his cheek, and he turned to face Guy Diamond, a string of curses ready on his tongue, and then a fifth came out of nowhere, and got him squarely on the nose – if Cooper's wild laughter was anything to go by, he was in on it now, too – and then another hit his arm, and he swung around to glare at Poppy.

"You're supposed to be on _my_ side!"

"I'm never on your side."

"All right, that's it!" Branch reached out and yanked a handful from her bucket before she could pull it away, and set out for revenge, pelting everyone within range with the buttery projectiles. "Take cover, motherfuckers, 'cause the storm's comin'!"

Guy squawked, and threw another fistful at him. "Hey, stop it! You're gonna mess up my hair!"

"You guys started it!"

"Yeah, 'cause you were being a buzzkill!" Chenille argued, unleashing another volley while Satin abandoned all pretense, and crawled across several seats to give her sister a clear shot.

"I was being realistic!"

"It's a musical!" Poppy shouted in his ear. For good measure, she thwacked him in the mouth with a stray kernel. "It's not supposed to be realistic!" In one motion, she lifted the half-empty bucket up off her lap, raised it in the air, and dumped it over his head.

Popcorn poured down his face and neck in a positive shower of butter and salt, over his nose and cheeks and chin, behind his ears, in his lap and the downturned hood of his jacket, a few rolling off and plunking down into his empty cup-holder.

Barely half a second of slightly stunned silence - probably not even that long – and then, as one, every single one of those bright-haired, exuberantly-dressed fuckers burst into obnoxious, ringing peals of uncontrollable laughter.

Branch yanked the bucket off his head, and paused to flick a piece of popcorn off its perch on his shoulder before he forced his mouth into a frown – he was not going to smile, he was not going to smile, that would just be encouraging this shit, he was not going to smile – and glared down at them, sprawled slackly in their seats, shaking with hysterics.

"You guys are assholes," he said venomously, desperately grateful that no one noticed the tiny twitch at the corner of his lip. "You guys are…" He glanced up, and faltered at the sight of the scowling cinema employee striding toward them.

Branch straightened in his seat, and nudged Poppy in the ribs. "Guys—hey, guys, come on, shut up—guys, seriously, you gotta settle down—

Too late.

* * *

"He didn't have to be so _rude_!" Poppy fumed, staring out the windshield and scowling at nothing.

"We _were_ being a little loud, Poppy," Biggie said fairly.

"A little loud?" Branch scoffed, twisting in the seat to look at him. "You guys were throwing popcorn!" He scrubbed at the buttery residue still clinging to his cheek at the memory.

"You were throwing popcorn, too!" DJ reminded him, reaching around from her place in the backseat to jab him in the shoulder.

"I was _provoked_!" he argued. "And now, thanks to you fuckers, I guess that's another theater we can check off our list."

"Okay, yeah, fine, we were being a little loud," Poppy admitted sullenly. "But he didn't have to throw us out like that! And he was so mean about it, too! I mean, did you see the way he glared?!"

"He wasn't very kind about it, no," Biggie conceded.

"He was a jackass about it," Branch said bluntly.

"Forget about it, Poppy," Smidge spoke up, patting her friend consolingly on the arm. "That other movie we talked about, the one with the friends, and the diner, that one came out last week! Maybe we can catch it tonight!"

"Yeah!" Cooper poked his head out from his spot beside DJ Suki. "And those guys at the theater over by Harper's place? They love us!"

"Uh, they love Guy," Satin said.

"They love Guy's _ass_ ," Chenille corrected.

"Who doesn't?" Guy grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

"Hey, you're right!" Poppy beamed.

"About Guy's ass?" Branch raised his eyebrows.

Poppy giggled. " _No_ , I mean—hang on, I'm gonna check the reviews on that one! Let's see if it looks any good." She whipped her phone out of her dress, tapping at the screen with lightning speed. A second later, she whistled in approval. "Seems pretty popular! Eighty-eight percent here—five stars over here—oh, my god!" She gasped, delighted. _"It's a musical!"_

Branch groaned.

* * *

 **A/N: okay but i'm branch in the cinema lmao. i always gotta find a film's flaws and pick it the fuck apart.**


End file.
